Self-esteem is important for any child’s development. Children need it to grow into a confident adults later in life. When children lack in self-esteem growing up, then they have a tougher time handling their everyday troubles.

In severe cases, children have resorted to committing suicide over low self-esteem issues.
In order for them to start building confidence in themselves, you’ll need to sit back and take a look at what you’re doing to encourage them in their lives.

Your child needs your guidance and nurturing all throughout his life. Parents often with their children focus too much on their children’s weaknesses and not enough on their strong points. This happens without even them realizing that they are doing it. However, by focusing too much on their weak spots, parents can damage their child’s self esteem.

No child, or adult for that matter, is perfect – and it is a mistake to constantly remind them of that every day. Children need to be taught right from wrong, but you shouldn’t constantly criticize them by telling them that they never get anything right.

You’re there to help them realize their mistakes, help them to learn from them, and show them how to change direction and turn something from a negative into a positive. Focusing on the mistakes they make will only lower their self-esteem and make them feel like they can’t do anything right.

Some children only hear the negative things and nothing about the positive. Sometimes parents forget to praise their children for the good things they do.
Taking a moment in a child’s life to praise them for something positive allows them to build confidence within themselves.

Sometimes children need to be given a little more responsibility so that they have sufficient opportunity to achieve something. Those who aren’t given the chance conclude that they not being good enough to do anything.

This starts to crush their spirit and will eventually control them to the point where they won’t want to try to achieve anything for fear of yet another failure. Give them some kind of responsibility that’s appropriate for their age and skill set.

Children look up to their parents. In their eyes, you’re superhuman, but that can sometimes result in low confidence in themselves when they start to think that they could never live up to you.

Don’t be afraid to let them know (and see) your imperfections. It’s a lot easier on them when they realize that you make mistakes, too. For families with more than one child, competition arises for their parent’s attention and affection.

Each child needs to be treated individually according to how you feel they need it, but thepraise and encouragement they receive should be equal in abundance. Help your child deal with the turmoil of everyday life as they move from childhood to adult by building their self- confidence a little bit each day. Giving a child a healthy self esteem is the best foundation they can have to become successful and confident as an adult
by Barbara White

Is your child’s self-esteem low? Are other kids’ opinions of him more important than his own? Is he afraid to try new things? Inside you’ll find my personal story and how self-esteem affirmations can build character in your child.
How Lack of Confidence Fractured My Ribs:
I started skiing in my 40′s. Whenever I looked down from the snow-covered hilltops, my eyes widened. My heart pounded, and my knees turned to jelly. On one downhill run, my fear sent me crashing and I fractured my ribs. I knew I had to get over my fear because I wanted to ski with my family. Being a child/family counselor, naturally I turned to affirmations. With the next ski trip I told myself, ‘I can and I am.’ Then I pushed off into a great downhill ride.
Can you see what I did? When I felt controlled from the outside, I worried about the steepness of the hill, the recklessness of skiers nearby skiers, and my own abilities to make it to the bottom in one piece. With those thoughts I fractured my ribs.
Self-Esteem Affirmations – How Inner Control Increased My Success:
I couldn’t let these fears control me. I needed inner control. Affirmations were the answer. At home I visualized the ski slope. I felt the good feeling of swishing down the hillside and I told myself, “I can and I am.” I was changing my outer control to inner control. My next ski runs were a breeze. The affirmation worked for me on the ski slopes and this process can work for you and your children too.

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“If you had a brain, you’d take it out and play with it” were my father’s words to me as I was growing up. This wasn’t a compliment or encouragement of my questioning nature. Through my early years, my self-esteem was low for a neuro-typical child. As Yoda would
say, “Devastated, I was, from years of deep emotional abuse.” After finally realizing that I couldn’t be “that bad”, in my early 30′s I sought help through a self-esteem building group. We shared stories and together began the slow road of healing by using certain, carefully chosen techniques.
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We all want to raise our children with a healthy self esteem.Here are some insights to help parents build a child’s self esteem.
10 Ways To Build Positive Self Esteem In Children

One of the core things we can all agree on as parents is that helping a child to develop positive self-esteem is very important. It is one of the corner stones to a mentally healthy life. Positive self-esteem allows children to be brave and reach out to try new things. Without knowing it, a positive feeling of self-worth allows children to fail without being failures. A parent, who through actions, shows a child that no matter what he does he is loved, helps their child develop a positive sense of belonging. And it is the belief that they belong, that what they say and do matters, empowers children to have self-respect.

We have modified ten ways to build self-esteem that we found on-line at the parent center.

1) Give unconditional love. A child’s self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, “I love you, no matter who you are or what you do.” Your child benefits the most when you accept her for who she is regardless of her strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities. So lavish her with love. Give her plenty of cuddles and kisses. And don’t forget to tell her how much you love her. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it’s her behavior – not her – that’s unacceptable. Instead of saying, “You’re a naughty girl! Why can’t you be good?” say, “Pushing Olivia isn’t nice. It can hurt. Please don’t push.”

2) Pay attention. Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child’s self-worth because it sends the message that you think he’s important and valuable. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if he’s trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact, so it’s clear that you’re really listening to what he’s saying. When you’re strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, “Tell me all about the picture you drew, and then when you’re finished, I’ll need to finish my work.”

3) Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules. For instance, if you tell your child she has to eat in the kitchen, don’t let her wander around the family room or sit at the computer eating the next day. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help her feel more secure. It may take constant repetition on your part, but she’ll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show her that you trust her and expect her to do the right thing.

4) Offer choices. A good rule of thumb: Let your child choose between possibilities that make you comfortable. He’ll gain confidence with each opportunity to make a decision. Letting him know that you have faith in his judgment increases your child’s sense of self-worth.

5) Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, including a new best pal in weekend plans, or going on a camp trip. Though there’s always the possibility of failure, without risk there’s little opportunity for success. So let your child experiment safely, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to “rescue” her if she’s showing mild frustration at figuring out how to navigate or decide on which extra curricular activity she will participate. Jumping in to outline the options without being asked can foster dependence and diminish your child’s confidence. You’ll build her self-esteem by balancing your need to protect her with her need to tackle new tasks.

6) Let mistakes happen. The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child’s confidence. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child – it makes it easier for your child to accept his own shortcomings.

7) Make success a snap. Set clear non-negotiable boundaries and then allow her to make decisions within them. By giving her structure and the resources to take care of her own needs, you’ll help foster independence and pride in her ability to do things for herself.

Celebrate the positive. It’s sometimes too easy to tally up all the things a child does wrong, but everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot. For instance, tell his dad, “Mike took out the trash this morning.” He’ll bask in the glow of your praise and his dad’s heartening response. And be specific. Instead of saying “Good job,” say, “Thank you for waiting so patiently in line at the store for me.” This will enhance his sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let him know exactly what he did right.

9) Listen well. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what she has to say. She needs to know that her thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help her get comfortable with her emotions by labeling them. Say, “I know you’re sad because camp is over.” By accepting her emotions without judgment, you validate her feelings and show that you value what she has to say. If you share your own feelings (“I’m excited about going to the play with you”), she’ll gain confidence in expressing her own.

10) Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from her loved ones that signals, “I believe in you. I see you trying. Keep going!” Encouragement means acknowledging progress – not just rewarding achievement. It means thanking your child for cleaning her room, even if she missed some under her bed. It means smiling in support as she struggles to complete a task, in spite of it not being the exact way you would have completed it.

There’s a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person (“You did it!” rather than “I’m proud of you!”). Praise can make a child feel that she’s only “good” if she does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. “Tell me about your game. I see that you scored” is more helpful than saying, “Your team won that is great.” Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will help your child grow up to feel good about herself.

Andrea Ralls
http://www.southwoods.com