Self Esteem - The Tyranny of Dependence No comments yet

The dominator’s opposite number is the person who lives out his life as a passive doormat for others to walk over.

Where the dominant personality wants to make every decision for others, the doormat would rather make no decisions at all. His cry is “Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it for you.” He seems to have surrendered all shreds of self esteem.

These two seem to be made for each other, fitting as naturally together as bread and butter.

Yes, it would appear that the passive person is willing to be the servant of others. But appearances can be deceiving.

The passive doormat, who “can’t” make any decisions of his own is actually using others. He’s forcing them to supply his decisions for him. His payoff?

If anything goes wrong with any of those decisions, it’s not his fault. He didn’t decide to do that… it was somebody else.

This is dishonest living at its most intense, of course, because the dependant personality refuses to take responsibility for his own life, instead shifting the blame for any mistakes onto someone else — anyone else.

And do you suppose there are any wrong turns in such a person’s life? You can bank on it. Then, the secondary payoff appears — the person who gave the “wrong” advice now feels an even greater duty to take care of and shepherd the passive dependant whom he just “wronged” with his mistaken advice.

Those with a dependant personality may find that making changes is their greatest challenge. After all, their self esteem is built upon a method of always being “right.” With a track record like that, it can be extremely hard to want to change.

by Charles Burke

Charles BurkeLevel: PlatinumCharles Burke, retired and living in Thailand, is the author of “inside the Minds of Winners” and “Command More Luck. His blog is located at …

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