Do You Think You’re Not Good Enough?
Most people I coach all seem to have one thing in common - they think they’re
not good enough. But where does this stem from? It seems that we can be our own
harshest judge and critic. What I get clients to do is to start by writing down
a list of all of the things for which they criticise themselves. I tell them to
include small things as well as the more important things. Typical things may
include: ‘I’m shy’, ‘I’m too fat’, ‘I’m not very good at maths’, ‘I’m lazy’,
‘I’m not very clever’, etc….
I then get the client to look over their list, and ask them ‘Do you find
yourself thinking things like ‘That’s just how I am’, ‘I’ve always been like
that’, ‘I can’t help it’. If they do, then there’s a clue that they are actually
hanging onto ‘labels’ which may be preventing them from changing and developing
their potential.
Many of these labels can usually be traced to something they learned in the
past, and each time they use one of these statements, it’s as if they’re really
saying, ‘…. and I intend to stay the same. But how did they first get these
labels? There are two possibilities. Firstly, someone else gave them to them,
probably when they were children, either their parents, teachers, siblings,
peers etc… Examples of this may be ‘You take after your Auntie Catherine - she
was no good at maths either’ or ‘She’s going to be shy, just like me’. The poor
client then ends up carrying around this label for the rest of their lives.
Secondly, another reason why a client may have become attached to a
particular label is because it enables them to avoid risky, unpleasant or
tedious activities. Ironically, clients may use their labels to avoid facing the
risks inherent in something they really want!
I get the client to think carefully about the labels they have identified,
and to ask themselves if they’re just convenient ways of not having to face the
time and trouble it would take to change. I tell them to decide either to
continue being this way, or to begin the work necessary for change. I also tell
them to notice any labels which they were given but which were never true, or
are now out of date. I then get them to re-write each item, prefacing each with
one of the following: ‘I choose to ……’ ‘Until today I was …..’ ‘I used to
label myself as…’
If you’re suffering from ‘I think I’m not good enough’ syndrome, try the
above exercise, and notice how much better you will feel.
by Jane Turner
Jane brings over twelve years of Psychology experience to her Life Coaching
practice, after having completed a Bsc (Hons) degree in Psychology, and
post-graduate qualifications in Psychotherapy and Counseling, plus teaching and
coaching certificates. As a Psychotherapist, Jane gained experience working with
self-help groups where her main duties involved the identification of personal
development objectives, enabling clients to make positive changes in their
lives. It was a natural progression which led Jane to Life Coaching, as her
experience & training in Psychology provides her with the appropriate skills
& insight into motivation, attitudes & behavior. Jane achieves
fulfilment in making a difference to people’s lives, & helping them achieve
their goals. She is neither judgmental nor critical in her approach, &
abides by absolute confidentiality in all her dealings.
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