Okay. So, I walk into an international coffee shop chain to buy a Latte. I’m greeted by a young man at the cash register who is basically “shaking in his boots” transmitting a tremendous lack of confidence. I could see the insecurity in his eyes (like the deer in the headlights) and tension in his face and shoulders. His first words to me were “It’s my first day working here and I don’t really know what I’m doing. It would be great if I had a ½ hour for each customer”.

My first response was to empathize with this young man and help him to relax a little bit. He was wound up tighter then a drum. I wasn’t convinced he’d gotten my order right or would give me the correct change. I double-checked both and sure enough, the order was incorrect. I’m a 2% milk guy, not a whole milk guy. Once I empathized with his situation we talked for a couple of minutes and I suggested to him that he work on transmitting an air of confidence. I joked with him a little bit since there was nobody in line behind me. I could see him begin to relax some. Little did he realize the change he was experiencing was his own. I was merely the catalyst for the shift that he was experiencing within himself. Even though it was his first day on the job, only he and his co-workers knew that truth. He was responsive to my suggestions (I went on to elaborate in more detail how he could display more confidence) and appreciated the support.

As I was waiting for my Latte, I watched him work with the next few customers. I could see he was more relaxed, making eye contact and handling the cash register quite well. I watched him take a few deep breaths between customers. Although he didn’t know any more then he did 5 minutes earlier, it was apparent that he had shifted his belief about himself internally. Thus, a transmission of greater confidence to the customer emerged. I gave him a “thumbs up” as I walked out the door with a smile on my face.

We owe it to ourselves and everyone we interact with to show our GREATNESS. In one of Nelson Mandela’s greatest speeches he iterated: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be”. This speech goes on to teach us how to be liberated from our fears and limitations.

TWD focuses on Trust, Honesty, Authenticity, Neutrality, Kindness and Surrender: THANKs® as the building blocks to success.

How we present ourselves to our customers, our co-workers, our supervisors, our clients and the world at large, determines to such a significant degree how we will be perceived. It really ties into how well people will be able to trust and count on us. Practicing any 1 of these 5 skills can help all of us to be seen as competent and confident as long as we are living by 3 non-negotiable principles. Trust, Honesty and Kindness: THANKs®. Otherwise, these tools just become a front for deceit and self gain.

1. Speak with confidence. Confident expression comes from diaphragmatic speaking, not from the throat. Diaphragmatic speaking forces us to stand taller and will capture peoples’ attention. It’s not about the words folks, or the volume. It’s about the energy and enthusiasm we transmit when we interact. A word of caution however. Learning how to “SEE” people will give us insight as to how we gauge our intensity of speech in order to pull them in, not push them away. Appropriate intonation and volume changes from person to person, depending on how they integrate sensory input. The better we learn to read people the more artful we become at engaging and not blowing them out of the water, or boring them to tears.

2. Be a good listener. Show understanding of the request or situation being presented to you by reflecting it back (empathy). Our ability to listen speaks volumes to the expresser. I have often been told that because I listen well, and empathize accurately, that individuals find their own answers without me ever giving a suggestion. Empathy, I have found, is the most powerful communication tool we possess. It takes a lot of discipline to be a good listener before we speak. St. Francis of Assisi taught us: “Let us seek to understand before we are understood”.

3. Let your body language speak volumes. Eye contact, a smile and relaxed shoulders, coupled with standing tall transmits confidence. Keeping hand animation down to a minimum avoids distraction. 80% of our communication is non-verbal. Just think about a time where you asked someone you know “Is something bothering you”? And you were sure there was but they answered, “No. Everything is fine”. Did it make you feel a little unsure? Well, how did you know something was bothering them even if they were saying no? I would suspect it was their body language and energy that they were displaying that clued you in. Let your body language emit an air of trustworthiness, honesty and an abundance of kindness. This kind of displayed confidence is second to none.

4. Find answers. If you need answers for a client, customer, co-worker or supervisor, seek them out with confidence. We don’t have to know it all. “Know it alls” are often compensating because of a deep sense of inadequacy. Letting others see that we don’t have all of the answers, but are willing to seek them out transmits a truth. This truth simply is: I am human and don’t know everything. Be the expert at what you are the expert at. Beyond that, seek out answers and don’t pretend you are somebody you are not.

5. The inventory. Each day as you awaken, take time to create intention for that day only. Imagine what you will be like, how you will present yourself, and who you want to be throughout that day. I call this “Dress Rehearsal”. Then, go out and embrace your day. At days end take a few minutes to rehash the day and evaluate how you did with your intention. Make sure to evaluate both the things you did well in regard to displays of self-confidence, as well as areas you would like to improve on. This process holds the intention in our conscious awareness.

We can’t wait to get self-confidence in order to transmit it. We need to practice techniques every day and become the confident person we seek to be. Behavioral repetition does wonders in taking us to newfound places, as long as we live with the integrity that allows us to look in the mirror each night and love what we see. Let your self-confidence shine through every day in all walks of life, and before you know it, you will be more of whom you seek to be.

Brad StevensonLevel: BasicBrad Stevenson started out as a small business owner and, within 6 years, had built a multi-million dollar corporation. Since this initial success, Brad’s understanding of …

Brad Stevenson and Bob Sugar of Trans-World Dynamics’ (TWD) mission is to guide individuals, couples, executives and businesses toward the practice of:

Trustworthiness, Honesty, Authenticity, Neutrality, Kindness, and Surrender (THANKs®).

As these sustainable principles serve to guide individuals in all areas of their lives, the rewards that we have seen CEOs, companies, executives and individuals experience are unprecedented.

Self esteem is the comforting self knowledge that tells us we can handle what life sends our way.

Self esteem is at the centre of our ability to put our best foot forward and cope with life.

Self esteem gives us confidence and keeps anxiety at bay.

Self esteem is how we think about ourselves and our ability to take on challenges.

Here are 5 myths about self esteem that are commonly believed and alternative approaches which will strengthen your self esteem.

Myth One: high self esteem will guarantee you success.

Success comes from what you do and not from how you feel. Feeling good about yourself will help of course but only if it leads to consistent efforts to reach your goals.

It is possible to have unrealistically high self esteem. Falsely high self esteem leads people to expect good things to happen to them as their right. They may do little towards it and get very upset or angry if they are not given what they feel entitled to.

Genuine self esteem leads to success because you are both motivated and realistic about what you have to do to create a successful outcome.

Accepting yourself as you are but holding an optimistic view of the future is the key to success. You may not be where you want to be right now but if you believe in your ability to choose wisely and make decisions you will have the resources you need to make changes.

Myth Two: High achievers always have high self esteem.

For most people this is true, because it is their motivation and persistence which keeps them focused, but perfectionists are an exception. Perfectionists set their sights too high, making it hard to reach their goals. Consequently they are often disappointed and their self esteem is undermined. Perfectionists are never satisfied with their achievements. They may have been encouraged to aim high throughout their lives and may have been set unreasonable expectations. When whatever you do is short of perfection, then you are never satisfied.

Healthy self esteem requires a realistic take on what you are capable of and what a “good enough” outcome could be.

Myth Three: Praise raises self esteem

Self esteem is a personal belief and is not created outside ourselves. General praise may not alter how we already feel. Being told you are wonderful doesn’t always make you feel that way. However specific praise and feedback can be a useful source of information which we can use.

For example Jane was giving her first presentation at work. She knew her material and trusted her colleagues to give her a fair hearing. However she wasn’t sure how well she could hold an audience. She was relieved to hear her colleagues’ comments later which told her that she had made the material interesting and relevant.

Self reflection and developing a strong sense of who you are and what you want is the best self esteem builder. Keep a journal where you list your daily achievements and why you are proud of who you are. This doesn’t mean you will become complacent; in fact you are more likely to set improvement goals if you think about how life is going.

Myth Four: Self esteem is fixed in childhood and can’t be altered

Our childhood definitely sets the scene but we continue to grow and learn throughout life. Sometimes self esteem can become fossilised when someone isn’t open to self reflection and doesn’t check out how well they are managing what life sends their way.

If you have low self esteem right now it may be because you are focusing on the negatives rather than the positives. Make a list of 10 things you have done in your life that you are proud of. If you get stuck ask friends and family for their opinion.

Myth Five: Self esteem is constant whatever we are doing.

Self esteem is actually more like an equation which we calculate for each situation.

Self esteem = the skills required v how much it matters to me/others whose opinions I value

For example: Andrea is learning Salsa dancing which is challenging for her but she is prepared to keep going as she believes it will take time to learn. This is a positive position involving self acceptance and optimism.

In contrast: David hated maths at school but his new management post has a finance element, he is very uncomfortable that his team may spot his weakest area and think less of him. David’s position is more negative involving self blame and pessimism.

You can create the mindset you need in situations where you feel uncertain by accepting how you are now but being positive about how you will deal with it. David realised he had been picked for the job and that school was sometime ago. He decided it was time to overcome his gremlin about maths and signed up for a distance learning course on setting and managing budgets. Now that he is doing relevant things with figures he finds it enjoyable which surprises and delights him.

Jeni Hooper is a Chartered Psychologist and Personal Development Coach. She can be contacted at www.happy2learn.co.uk

Jeni HooperLevel: BasicJeni Hooper is a Chartered Psychologist, Personal Development Coach and Trainer living in Hampshire, England. She is passionate about helping people to live their best …

Jeni Hooper is a Chartered Psychologist, Personal Development Coach and Director of Happy2Learn. She can be contact at http://www.happy2learn.co.uk

Fear, along with low self-esteem, eventually leads to self-sabotage. I know. For years I was the queen of self-sabotage. My self-image was not consistent with how the world saw me. I achieved a great deal of business success selling real estate when I was in my early 20s.

I would literally look in the mirror trying to find the strong assertive person the outside world was seeing. All I could see was someone who was putting up a big front to appear cool. I was confused by my personal success when I was young because I had nothing nurturing or positive in my life to which I could relate the personal growth.

At the time, I wasn’t sure why I was getting all this money and acclaim. I didn’t think I was worthy of it, and believed that I didn’t deserve success or happiness. I achieved the level of business success because I was highly skilled, but my low self-esteem drove me to throw it all away.

The consequences of my low self-esteem and self-sabotage were many. If I can, I’d like to save you from the same fate by parting the curtain.

First, my personal life: I felt unworthy of my first husband, but you wouldn’t have known it by the way I treated him. My self-sabotaging brain decided the way to keep him was to tear him down to my level so he would feel lucky to have anyone, even me. Then he wouldn’t leave me.

I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking about how I hurt myself, my personal development and other people with my low self-esteem. Don’t ever kid yourself into thinking your level of self-esteem isn’t influencing the quality of life for people around you.

In my business life, the self-sabotage was straightforward. I would achieve a great deal of business success until it got too uncomfortable for my self-image to handle, and then I would destroy my achievement and my work/life balance.

I’d make my job undesirable by having a conflict or a philosophical difference where I would have to leave to maintain my ‘higher ground’. Some of these were pretty elaborate, so I could feel superior when I left.

Similar circumstances happen more often than you’d think. I see them played out by friends and co-workers over and over throughout the years. They’re easy to spot for someone like me, a former self-saboteur.

Self-sabotage is a self-fulfilling prophecy that puts people back in their comfort zone of “I knew it would all go away sooner or later. Nothing good ever lasts.”

See, I grew up in the land of “Who do you think you are?” This is still a common message kids receive today. It can be difficult reconciling personal success with that message. Without a strong positive self-image, all success is temporary.

On the positive side, another self-fulfilling prophecy is that if you “act as if” you are self-assured, knowledgeable and have work/life balance, you will become exactly that.

You’ve heard the saying, “Fake it until you make it.” This is not being phony. To become more positive, you have to start somewhere, and this is the first step towards personal growth.

The key to building self-esteem is to know that your opinion is the only one that counts. Others just influence your opinions. You can accept or reject what they say about your personal development.

High self-esteem is a gift you can only give to yourself. It’s a very valuable gift.

People who build self-esteem are in charge of their world, have work/life balance, and refrain from blaming past or present outside circumstances. They know it is up to them to take what happens in life and give it as much or little meaning as they choose.

Raise your self-esteem by becoming a master of a particular area of your life. Master one aspect of your job or a hobby. For example, start small by taking one aspect of your job that could use improvement, or develop a skill that would get you a raise or recognition.

Just making the commitment to master something will raise your self-confidence in that area. How do you feel about yourself when you do something really well?

The more things you can learn to do well, the higher your self-esteem. Take this key to success and start to build your self-esteem now.

Lynn Pierce, the Success Architect, has taught people how to combine business and personal development to reach the pinnacle of success and live the life of their dreams for over 25 years. In addition, she is also the founder of one of the most exciting annual events for women entrepreneurs, “Women’s Business Empowerment Summit.” Now she shares her keys to success and life mastery with you. You can get the first five lessons of “Change One Thing, Change Your Life: A Personal Transformation System” at http://www.yourbreakthroughtosuccess.com

Those fortunate enough to be born beautiful easily succeed when it comes to dating. A time will come that the man’s personality is of paramount importance. This usually happens after the woman has got to know you and is considering having more dates with you.

Unfortunately your personality will rely on the quantity of self-confidence youwill have, and unless you are already quite assured inside, this is something only male enhancement can actually help with.
You cannot attract a woman with your looks if she does not care for it. Beyond this, you must possess a witty and charming personality to maintain her interest.
Having a lot of confidence can ensure you of a great dating life. If you feel confident in your taste, there is a greater chance you will get a second date with a good woman than a brainless one. Your salary or the type of vehicle you own has nothing to do with being successful at dating. Obviously these things influence the lady’s decision, but your personality is key.
For example, while you are sitting at the bar you notice a beautiful woman is the centre of attention from the men in the area. Consider this situation, now. Whom do you think that the woman craves for? There’s the guy who is praising a woman’s beauty after practising his lines a hundred times and then pretending that his words are spontaneous. Certainly, it will most definitely be the latter. Now this is exactly what you desire yourself to be. Confidence is more important than designer clothes, fancy cars or bling when it comes to having a productive relationship.
Men who have achieved a certain level of success have a basic way with words that allows them to draw everyone’s attention no matter what they are doing or where they go. This is what draws women to their men.
Confidence that comes from deep inside is what actually counts, and I recommend checking out Size Genetics to discover how you can really become confident with the women.
You may have seen that men like that lead great dating lives. They are always finding new and gorgeous women. No matter the circumstances they usually figures it out whether they possess good looks or not.

It is here that individuals enjoy success when it comes to dating.