Self esteem has a huge impact on a person’s success and happiness in life. This article explores how a healthy self esteem can be developed
Developing A Healthy Self Esteem

When I think of healthy self-esteem, the image that comes to my mind is of my friend who has an amazing personality. His faith and confidence in himself is commendable. He has set himself the target of being the President of a Fortune 500 company. He speaks freely of his ambition. He is very successful in his workplace also ( he delivers at the workplace ). My friend is very successful and very likely to fulfill his ambition because along with a number of positive factors, he has healthy self esteem. Because of this, he thinks he is very capable and is able to set himself high goals and work towards them. High achievers have healthy self esteem. This article focuses on how to DEVELOP healthy self esteem. I use the word ‘develop’ because we can all learn to have a healthy and high self-esteem. So let’s get started.

WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM: Self esteem refers to the mental image a person has of himself. It refers to what a person thinks of himself, the confidence and satisfaction that a person has in himself.

CAUSES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM Low self-esteem could be the result of childhood memories and programming. Low self esteem could set in even in adulthood. Just like high self-esteem can be learnt, low self-esteem is also learnt. The reasons given for low self-esteem could be many – physical: I am too fat, I am too thin, I am ugly etc., mental – I am stupid, emotional – I handle my emotions badly, this person rejected me because I am not good enough, I manage my emotions badly etc, circumstantial – poor background etc. Ridicule by elders and friends, unfavourable comparisons, self comparison with others, unfavourable circumstances – these can cause low self-esteem.

DEVELOPING A HEALTHY AND POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM

1. LIST YOUR STRENGTHS AND ABILITIES: Make a list of all your strengths and abilities. However small, list it. List everything you can do. You are special and you have a unique package of abilities and talents. What comes naturally to you, others may find hard to do. Refer to this list often. Keep adding to this list whenever you can. Remind yourself of your strengths and abilities whenever you feel low.

2. POSITIVE SELF TALK: People with low self-esteem often indulge in negative self talk. This negative self talk ensures that their self esteem remains low. You do not need your help in pulling you down. Monitor your self talk. Your aim is to change your self talk to positive statements and images. However, if you find yourself unable to think positively about some aspect, then aim for neutral thoughts in that matter. Gradually, try to move on to positive thoughts on that matter. Achievers routinely talk to themselves positively. They prop themselves up and refuse to focus on any negative thought that comes to their mind. The trick is to focus only on positive thoughts. Ignore the negative ones. Don’t follow them up. Don’t give them power over you.

CHANGE THE CAUSE OF NEGATIVE SELF-ESTEEM OR ELSE ACCEPT AND MOVE ON:

The causes of your negative self-esteem will not go away immediately. You will have to work on it. Understand the cause. There are three ways you can deal with them: either they can be resolved immediately OR they can be resolved at a later stage OR they can never be resolved, in which case it is best to accept them as they are and move on. Remember the prayer, God, give me the courage to accept what I cannot change. Eg. If a person’s negative self-esteem is linked to his being fat, then either he takes steps to becoming slim now or accepts his body as given and stops feeling bad about it. If he cannot or does not want to do anything about being fat, then he should stop feeling bad about it. He should think only good thoughts about his body. If there is a critical close relative who brings down a person’s self esteem, then mentally stop accepting the criticism. Think positively only and ignore the criticism.

SEE THE FULL PICTURE

Many times, we magnify the one weak area in our life to a very big proportion. It is not required. See the full picture. A person is just not one weak point. See yourself and the situation in entirety. See if you have not given undue importance to that one point and allowed it to influence your whole life.

EDUCATE YOURSELF:

Education in the area of inadequacy removes many mental causes of low self esteem. If low self esteem is due to feeling inadequate in knowledge, then work on getting more knowledge. Enroll in schools, take courses, read up on the matter. Give a rich and challenging diet to your mind. It will educate, open and stimulate up your mind. This will help in removing the mental causes of low self-esteem.

CAPITALIZE YOUR STRENGTHS:

Everybody has shortcomings. The trick is to focus on and magnify our strengths. Don’t waste your mental power on thinking about weaknesses.

SUCCESS LEADS TO SELF ESTEEM:

Thomas Carlyle said: ” Nothing builds self-esteem and self confidence like accomplishment.” I think the sureshot way to have high self esteem is to be successful. If one is successful, he is bound to have high self esteem. Aim for small successes which are easily attainable. Congratulate yourself on your success. Aim for another small success. Build up a string of successes. Small successes contribute to big success. Always feel good about your small successes.

ASSOCIATE WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE

People who are filled with enthusiasm for life, who talk about good things, who boost you up – these are the people to associate with. Don’t associate with critical and morose people. They pull you down.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF:

Be kind to yourself. Forgive your mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes – big and small. We would not be human if we did not make mistakes. Forgive and learn from your mistakes and move on to positive self esteem. Follow these steps and learn to respect yourself. Remember these words by Jean De La Bruyere: ” A person’s worth in this world is estimated according to the value they put on themselves.”

Sonal Shah writes articles on personality development. http://www.winwithpersonality.com