Self Esteem – What It Really Is and How to Raise It
Self esteem. Now there’s a well used and little understood term. Self esteem seems to be one of those terms that we frequently use without really knowing exactly what it means. Just what is this self esteem thing? And where do you go to get some? I’ve never seen a self esteem store at the mall. Not yet any way.
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High Self Esteem Will Improve Your Happiness
Most agree that we need to develop high and healthy self esteem or confidence. It should be obvious why, but nevertheless it is worth mentioning what an improved self confidence can do for your life, your well being, your relationships and your happiness. So what does self confidence or esteem mean?
The term self confidence or esteem however, has been hampered by misconceptions and confusion over it’s real meaning. Some have equated self confidence with egotism, arrogance, or even a trait leading to violence. This is in fact a mis-conception. Real, healthy self confidence has nothing to do these negative attrubutes. They rather seem to be defensive reactions to the lack of real confidence. People with low self confidence typically focus on trying to prove themselves or impress others. Therefore they tend to use others for their own gain. This is leading us to the question; is it possible to have too much self confidence or esteem? Since having high confidence is equivalent to having good health, I don?t believe that it is possible to have too much real self confidence. A major characteristic of people with high self confidence is that they are well grounded in reality and balanced between an equal sense of worth and competence. You don’t have to be anything but yourself. And that makes you and the people you love happy. by Terje Ellingsen Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and internet publisher. He runs the website 1st-Self_Improvement.net Terje is a Sociologist who enjoys contributing to the personal growth and happiness of others. He tries to accomplish this by writing about self improvement issues from his own experience and knowledge. For example, http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm” how to improve your self esteem and http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm happiness in relationships.
High Stress Means Low Self Esteem
Do you have the desire for a stress free life? Most people do. After all isn’t this why most people are working so hard, to achieve just that? Sounds like a paradox doesn’t it, “I’m working hard to achieve a stress free life”? Ironically, by the time you think you’ve gotten there, the “stress” you’ve endured as a result of all that work has likely taken such a toll on your health that you are not far from the end of your life. So is a stress free life actually a myth, is it even possible? In order to answer this we need to look closely at what we mean by the word “stress”. I will propose a very simple definition that you are welcome to try on for size. By “stress” I mean the emotional, mental, phyiscal and spiritual pain one feels when they are not where they desire to be in any given moment. Now by “where” I do not mean simply a physical location but rather a state. This can be a mental, emotional, physical and/or spiritual state. Let’s say, as an example that the state consists of the following thoughts and emotions:”I really don’t like my job but if I leave it to do what I really have a passion for I won’t survive”. The “where” the person would rather be is doing something that they really have a passion for. Instead the fear of pursuing that seems to block or prevent them from realizing their passion. Now clearly the person is not “physically” “where” they want to be. If you look a bit more closely however you might also notice that the thoughts and feelings that block that person from being physically where they want to be is also “not where they want to be”. In other words such thoughts/feelings and as “I can’t leave this job” or “I’m afraid I will fail” are clearly not pleasant, comforting,freeing or desirable to that person either. It is in fact these “limiting” thoughts/emotions that keep that person in a state of stress and from realizing their passion. With that passion comes a sense of joy, aliveness, invigoration, energy, motivation,creativity, hightened performance, health etc. i.e. a “stress free” life. Many of you however may believe that such limiting thoughts and emotions are beneficial to you i.e. you probably think that they help keep your life stable, and therefore help you feel safe and secure, and therefore help you experience a stress free life. Don’t you? If this is what you believe then just say it again to yourself and notice the stress level you feel in your body when you say it: “I can’t leave my job to pursue my passion because I’m afraid I will fail”. Now, did you feel your stress level go up or down. Well if you really don’t like your curent job, I think the thought of having to endure it any longer is most likely driving your stress level up, not down. So, if you follow me so far, living a stress free life is about noticing and releasing anything that keeps you from what you really have a passion for. Most importantly, because these are really the major culprit, it means releasing limiting thoughts and emotions that block you from your passion. It’s that simple. Just as an aside to be doing so also means that you are holding what you want for yourself in the highest esteem. That is you are holding your “SELF” in the highest esteem. What do you think happens to your “self esteem” when you hold you self in the highest esteem? Well naturally it goes up! Try this for your self if you wish. by Nick Arrizza, M.D. Nick Arrizza M.D. is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Life and Executive Coach, Speaker, Author of “Esteem for the Self: A Manual For Personal Transformation” (available in e-book format at: href=”http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm” target=_top>http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm) and developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process(TM). He holds international telecoaching sessions and teleconferences on healing mind, body and spirit.
Do You Think You’re Not Good Enough?
Most people I coach all seem to have one thing in common – they think they’re not good enough. But where does this stem from? It seems that we can be our own harshest judge and critic. What I get clients to do is to start by writing down a list of all of the things for which they criticise themselves. I tell them to include small things as well as the more important things. Typical things may include: ‘I’m shy’, ‘I’m too fat’, ‘I’m not very good at maths’, ‘I’m lazy’, ‘I’m not very clever’, etc…. I then get the client to look over their list, and ask them ‘Do you find yourself thinking things like ‘That’s just how I am’, ‘I’ve always been like that’, ‘I can’t help it’. If they do, then there’s a clue that they are actually hanging onto ‘labels’ which may be preventing them from changing and developing their potential. Many of these labels can usually be traced to something they learned in the past, and each time they use one of these statements, it’s as if they’re really saying, ‘…. and I intend to stay the same. But how did they first get these labels? There are two possibilities. Firstly, someone else gave them to them, probably when they were children, either their parents, teachers, siblings, peers etc… Examples of this may be ‘You take after your Auntie Catherine – she was no good at maths either’ or ‘She’s going to be shy, just like me’. The poor client then ends up carrying around this label for the rest of their lives. Secondly, another reason why a client may have become attached to a particular label is because it enables them to avoid risky, unpleasant or tedious activities. Ironically, clients may use their labels to avoid facing the risks inherent in something they really want! I get the client to think carefully about the labels they have identified, and to ask themselves if they’re just convenient ways of not having to face the time and trouble it would take to change. I tell them to decide either to continue being this way, or to begin the work necessary for change. I also tell them to notice any labels which they were given but which were never true, or are now out of date. I then get them to re-write each item, prefacing each with one of the following: ‘I choose to ……’ ‘Until today I was …..’ ‘I used to label myself as…’ If you’re suffering from ‘I think I’m not good enough’ syndrome, try the above exercise, and notice how much better you will feel. by Jane Turner
Jane brings over twelve years of Psychology experience to her Life Coaching practice, after having completed a Bsc (Hons) degree in Psychology, and post-graduate qualifications in Psychotherapy and Counseling, plus teaching and coaching certificates. As a Psychotherapist, Jane gained experience working with self-help groups where her main duties involved the identification of personal development objectives, enabling clients to make positive changes in their lives. It was a natural progression which led Jane to Life Coaching, as her experience & training in Psychology provides her with the appropriate skills & insight into motivation, attitudes & behavior. Jane achieves fulfilment in making a difference to people’s lives, & helping them achieve their goals. She is neither judgmental nor critical in her approach, & abides by absolute confidentiality in all her dealings.
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