Self Esteem - What It Really Is and How to Raise It
Self esteem.
Now there’s a well used and little understood term. Self esteem seems to be
one of those terms that we frequently use without really knowing exactly what it
means. Just what is this self esteem thing? And where do you go to get some?
I’ve never seen a self esteem store at the mall. Not yet any way.
High Self Esteem Will Improve Your Happiness
Most agree that we need to develop high and healthy self esteem or
confidence. It should be obvious why, but nevertheless it is worth mentioning
what an improved self confidence can do for your life, your well being, your
relationships and your happiness. So what does self confidence or esteem
mean?
The term self confidence or esteem however, has been hampered by
misconceptions and confusion over it’s real meaning. Some have equated self
confidence with egotism, arrogance, or even a trait leading to violence. This is
in fact a mis-conception. Real, healthy self confidence has nothing to do these
negative attrubutes. They rather seem to be defensive reactions to the lack of
real confidence. People with low self confidence typically focus on trying to
prove themselves or impress others. Therefore they tend to use others for their
own gain.
This is leading us to the question; is it possible to have too much self
confidence or esteem? Since having high confidence is equivalent to having good
health, I don?t believe that it is possible to have too much real self
confidence. A major characteristic of people with high self confidence is that
they are well grounded in reality and balanced between an equal sense of worth
and competence. You don’t have to be anything but yourself. And that makes you
and the people you love happy.
by Terje Ellingsen
Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and internet publisher. He runs the
website
1st-Self_Improvement.net Terje is a Sociologist who enjoys
contributing to the personal growth and happiness of others. He tries to
accomplish this by writing about self improvement issues from his own experience
and knowledge. For example, http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm”
how to improve your self esteem and http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm happiness in relationships.
High Stress Means Low Self Esteem
Do you have the desire for a stress free life? Most people do. After all
isn’t this why most people are working so hard, to achieve just that? Sounds
like a paradox doesn’t it, “I’m working hard to achieve a stress free life”?
Ironically, by the time you think you’ve gotten there, the “stress” you’ve
endured as a result of all that work has likely taken such a toll on your health
that you are not far from the end of your life. So is a stress free life
actually a myth, is it even possible? In order to answer this we need to look
closely at what we mean by the word “stress”.
I will propose a very simple definition that you are welcome to try on for
size. By “stress” I mean the emotional, mental, phyiscal and spiritual pain one
feels when they are not where they desire to be in any given moment. Now by
“where” I do not mean simply a physical location but rather a state. This can be
a mental, emotional, physical and/or spiritual state.
Let’s say, as an example that the state consists of the following thoughts
and emotions:”I really don’t like my job but if I leave it to do what I really
have a passion for I won’t survive”. The “where” the person would rather be is
doing something that they really have a passion for. Instead the fear of
pursuing that seems to block or prevent them from realizing their passion.
Now clearly the person is not “physically” “where” they want to be. If you
look a bit more closely however you might also notice that the thoughts and
feelings that block that person from being physically where they want to be is
also “not where they want to be”.
In other words such thoughts/feelings and as “I can’t leave this job” or “I’m
afraid I will fail” are clearly not pleasant, comforting,freeing or desirable to
that person either. It is in fact these “limiting” thoughts/emotions that keep
that person in a state of stress and from realizing their passion. With that
passion comes a sense of joy, aliveness, invigoration, energy,
motivation,creativity, hightened performance, health etc. i.e. a “stress free”
life.
Many of you however may believe that such limiting thoughts and emotions are
beneficial to you i.e. you probably think that they help keep your life stable,
and therefore help you feel safe and secure, and therefore help you experience a
stress free life. Don’t you?
If this is what you believe then just say it again to yourself and notice the
stress level you feel in your body when you say it: “I can’t leave my job to
pursue my passion because I’m afraid I will fail”. Now, did you feel your stress
level go up or down. Well if you really don’t like your curent job, I think the
thought of having to endure it any longer is most likely driving your stress
level up, not down.
So, if you follow me so far, living a stress free life is about noticing and
releasing anything that keeps you from what you really have a passion for. Most
importantly, because these are really the major culprit, it means releasing
limiting thoughts and emotions that block you from your passion. It’s that
simple.
Just as an aside to be doing so also means that you are holding what you want
for yourself in the highest esteem. That is you are holding your “SELF” in the
highest esteem. What do you think happens to your “self esteem” when you hold
you self in the highest esteem? Well naturally it goes up! Try this for your
self if you wish.
by Nick Arrizza, M.D.
Nick Arrizza M.D. is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Life and Executive
Coach, Speaker, Author of “Esteem for the Self: A Manual For Personal
Transformation” (available in e-book format at: href=”http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm”
target=_top>http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm) and developer of the
powerful Mind Resonance Process(TM). He holds international telecoaching
sessions and teleconferences on healing mind, body and spirit.
Do You Think You’re Not Good Enough?
Most people I coach all seem to have one thing in common - they think they’re
not good enough. But where does this stem from? It seems that we can be our own
harshest judge and critic. What I get clients to do is to start by writing down
a list of all of the things for which they criticise themselves. I tell them to
include small things as well as the more important things. Typical things may
include: ‘I’m shy’, ‘I’m too fat’, ‘I’m not very good at maths’, ‘I’m lazy’,
‘I’m not very clever’, etc….
I then get the client to look over their list, and ask them ‘Do you find
yourself thinking things like ‘That’s just how I am’, ‘I’ve always been like
that’, ‘I can’t help it’. If they do, then there’s a clue that they are actually
hanging onto ‘labels’ which may be preventing them from changing and developing
their potential.
Many of these labels can usually be traced to something they learned in the
past, and each time they use one of these statements, it’s as if they’re really
saying, ‘…. and I intend to stay the same. But how did they first get these
labels? There are two possibilities. Firstly, someone else gave them to them,
probably when they were children, either their parents, teachers, siblings,
peers etc… Examples of this may be ‘You take after your Auntie Catherine - she
was no good at maths either’ or ‘She’s going to be shy, just like me’. The poor
client then ends up carrying around this label for the rest of their lives.
Secondly, another reason why a client may have become attached to a
particular label is because it enables them to avoid risky, unpleasant or
tedious activities. Ironically, clients may use their labels to avoid facing the
risks inherent in something they really want!
I get the client to think carefully about the labels they have identified,
and to ask themselves if they’re just convenient ways of not having to face the
time and trouble it would take to change. I tell them to decide either to
continue being this way, or to begin the work necessary for change. I also tell
them to notice any labels which they were given but which were never true, or
are now out of date. I then get them to re-write each item, prefacing each with
one of the following: ‘I choose to ……’ ‘Until today I was …..’ ‘I used to
label myself as…’
If you’re suffering from ‘I think I’m not good enough’ syndrome, try the
above exercise, and notice how much better you will feel.
by Jane Turner
Jane brings over twelve years of Psychology experience to her Life Coaching
practice, after having completed a Bsc (Hons) degree in Psychology, and
post-graduate qualifications in Psychotherapy and Counseling, plus teaching and
coaching certificates. As a Psychotherapist, Jane gained experience working with
self-help groups where her main duties involved the identification of personal
development objectives, enabling clients to make positive changes in their
lives. It was a natural progression which led Jane to Life Coaching, as her
experience & training in Psychology provides her with the appropriate skills
& insight into motivation, attitudes & behavior. Jane achieves
fulfilment in making a difference to people’s lives, & helping them achieve
their goals. She is neither judgmental nor critical in her approach, &
abides by absolute confidentiality in all her dealings.
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